I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
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I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
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Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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