we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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