I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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