If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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