We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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