He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
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Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
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