3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
True but thats because hes a fetus.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
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I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
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He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
My vagina is officially offended.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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