I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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