is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
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He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
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i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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