...so i touched it.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
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Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
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There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
My vagina is very pro this idea
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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