I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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