You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
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