Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize