Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize