The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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