I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
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She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
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I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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