Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
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he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
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so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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