if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
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Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
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If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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