11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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