i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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