...so i touched it.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
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it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
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How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize