you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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