I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
soo... how was my night?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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