I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize