I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
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I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
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The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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