Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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