My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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