i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
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Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
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My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Randomize