I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
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I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
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You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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