Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize