the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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