and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
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Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
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i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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