Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
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so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
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...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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