Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
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I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
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You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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