My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
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Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
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I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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