can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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