and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
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You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
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How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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