The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You need a sexual gate keeper
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
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