You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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