So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
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Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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