Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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