I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
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i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
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Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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