matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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