The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize