I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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