Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
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He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
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Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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