No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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