Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize