im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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