I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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